(The information presented below is duplicated from various sources on the Internet and elsewhere, and is not necessarily representative of personal opinion.) "Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a destructive mental condition belonging to the DSM-IV Axis II Cluster B type personality disorders. Otto Kernberg neatly described the chief characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder as follows: "These people present an unusual degree of self-reference in their interactions with others, a great need to be loved and admired, and a curious apparent contradiction between a very inflated concept of themselves and an inordinate need for tribute from other people. Their emotional life is shallow. They experience little empathy for the feelings of others, and obtain very little enjoyment from life other than from the tributes they receive from others or from their own grandiose fantasies. They feel restless and bored when external glitter wears off and no new sources feed their self-regard. They envy others, tend to idealize some people from whom they expect "Narcissistic Supply", and to depreciate and treat with contempt those from whom they do not expect anything (often their former idols). In general, their relationships with other people are clearly exploitative and sometimes parasitic. It is as if they feel they have the right to control and possess others and to exploit them without guilt feelings and, behind a surface which very often is charming and engaging, one senses coldness and ruthlessness. The narcissist is, therefore, a binary human being: If they get too close to someone emotionally, they fear ultimate and inevitable abandonment. They thus distance themselves, act cruelly and bring about the very abandonment that they feared in the first place." "The person with N.P.D. is unpredictable, because this is part of the disorder. Their world is a heaving, restless, unquiet place, full of anxieties and unknown quantities. When they withdraw the 'caring' and the 'loving' and start on the devaluation stage, then the contrast in their behaviour and manner is so appalling that we are wrecked, and unable to understand. At this stage most of us had never even heard of N.P.D., so naturally we thought we were at fault in some way." "Should the Narcissist be held accountable for his or her actions? Narcissists should be held accountable for what they do because they can tell wrong from right AND they can refrain from taking the actions they do, yet do not care enough about others to put to good use these twin abilities. A narcissist can be held responsible because they can tell right from wrong and can control most of their actions if they so wish. Other people are simply not important enough to them to matter." "You're not crazy. No way. Your anger is your weapon right now. You need to be angry. You have a right to be angry." "It was only when I finally - after about 3 months - came across Sam Vaknin's site on Suite 101, that I sat in front of my computer screen, with a dropped jaw, pointing my finger at the text and shouting: 'That's IT – that's it - It's HER!!" "She was the only woman I ever knew who could strut while sitting down!." "They are more than just vain - they are perfect - because they are actors who are constantly putting on a show, and others like you and I are the stage they walk on. Remember that. Their houses are perfect, as are their cars and their children; never will you find a fault in the image. But it is merely a mirage and an act. All the world is truly a stage to them." "They walk over you; they use you. You may not see it at first, because they need to hook you. Like a car salesman, they need you to commit, to buy into their act. Only afterwards will you discover their true nature, when it is much too late." "Deep inside they feel terribly insecure about themselves, and may even feel inferior to normal people.They hate other people who succeed or who may fail but who do not dwell on their apparent failure. Because they care so much about what others think about them, they must keep up appearances at all costs. They need people to admire them in order to give them substance. Narcissists cannot live with themselves, or at least who they really are. In fact they hate their true self. They only love their false image, and they are experts at image building. They like to project an artificial image that you will adore, and if that one does not work they will try another. They will keep trying new images until they find one which 'hooks' you. Their image is usually one of success, omniscient knowledge or of beauty. Images which are extremely hard to resist. They need you to admire them, or more accurately their image, and when you finally do, then you are at risk of becoming their victim." "If you ever see one fail in anything they attempt, or even make a mistake, then watch their faces; you will see a look of terror there. Because you have seen behind the curtain, you have seen the real person who feels inferior and inadequate. They always have to be in control. They cannot love normally. For them real and healthy love is a loss of control which they can ill afford. They can fake it, they can simulate it and even declare it effusively, but they can never make the sacrifices that true love demands. Real love needs truth to exist, and truth is a commodity in short supply in a narcissist." "Who would not assume that he or she was so lucky to have met this wonderful, caring individual?. Nothing wrong with that. It is when the cannon-ball of devaluation hits you that the horror of the situation begins to dawn, but you cannot work out why. Naturally, you assume (because you think within normal parameters) that your partner/spouse is ill, has encountered a serious problem (work, finances, etc.), or is maybe physically ill. Because you have never heard of N.P.D. you do not, indeed cannot, know about the idealization-devaluation process." "Your post evoked a memory of yet another conversation I had with my ex-narcissist. I had referred to sex as making love. She looked at me very inquisitively and said: 'I noticed you say that a lot - why do you call it making love?' So, I replied: 'Why, what would you call it?' Her response was: 'I would just call it sex. I'm not really sure what love is!' Looking back, it was yet another obvious N.P.D. zinger that zinged right by me." "It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage." "I had a narcissist for a partner, and he built me up like yours and made me feel great. Then, straight afterwards, he brought down the hatchet and cut me out of his life. Don't be fooled - just as they open up, so can they close up even quicker - and heaven help you when they do." "The devaluation process was as shocking and devastating as it was unexpected." "I can only offer a comparison: a person who has been in a wheelchair since infancy cannot have any notion of what it feels like to walk, run, jump, do gymnastics, ride a bike, etc. The person with N.P.D. is in the same position. An emotional cripple, whose experience of life bears no resemblance to that of a normal person." "Do narcissists know what they're doing when they're projecting? Probably not, but I think if it can be pointed out to them with proof, perhaps they can begin to understand the lies in their own thinking. Then we have to deal with the fact that even knowing what they're doing, and how unfair and hurtful it is to us, they may not care, due to their lack of compassion for anyone else, and because they are emotional sadists." "To him, trust was just about sex and fidelity and had nothing whatever to do with emotional intimacy. If you push for intimacy with a narcissist, there is no choice for them other than to flee or to devalue you. There is no love there. They don't even know what the word really means. That's why I liken it to trying to talk to an alien. They just don't get it." "What do a narcissist and a sperm have in common?" "Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being." "You can be certain that the winner in the end will be you, with your mind and soul intact. You have pinpointed the heart of the matter. You have loved honestly and sincerely, and will always be able to do so. She has not, cannot, and never will. She is an emotional cripple who cannot express love in any real sense, even towards her own children. You will move forward in your life, and love again, with passion and with honesty, while she is destined to remain always in the shadowlands of her chaotic disorder." Important Note and Disclaimer: The material contained herein is presented for the purpose of information only, and should be considered as such. Part of the aforesaid material is compiled from personal experience, and some is based on the voluntary professional opinion of a third party with qualification and expertise in the field of psychology. No animosity, grievance or accusation against any person or persons should be taken as being expressed, implied, or otherwise intended from the content of this web site.